Congratulations — You’ve Earned Five Stars!

I think we all know to cast a wary eye on some online reviews of restaurants, hotels, and other travel sites that may seem overly enthusiastic or overly critical — which actually may have been written by competitors or friends of the owners of said business.

But sometimes people crank out positive reviews just to get paid. Here is a case in point, which I received in my inbox this week, reprinted verbatim:

“Hello,

Hope you are doing great

Our Team has significant Experience to add 5 star Reviews on Google, Face book, rip-off, yelp, trip adviser, scam book etc. to enhance your online reputation with Positive comments, reviews and posts. Enhancing the impression created by your search results, will help you achieve a HIGHER Sales Conversion rate (both Online and Offline).

We have expertise in following functional domains for Businesses and Individual level:–

1. Positive 5 Star Facebook Reviews

2. Positive 5 Star Google Reviews

3. Positive 5 Star Trip Advisor Reviews

4. Positive 5 Star Yelp Reviews

Please let us know if you are interested in Online Reputation Management. We have 100% Success Rate and ready to sign Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA)

Please feel free to reach us for more information on pricing and references.

Kind Regards,”

Possible 5-Star Reviews One Might Expect to Get

Of course, we here at clarknorton.com would never actually engage such a service, even though the possibility of landing favorable reviews in “rip-off” or “scam book” is indeed enticing.

But one can still dream of reaching 5-star heaven:

“clarknorton.com is the kind of site I’ve yearned for all my life! — five stars!”

“Staying at the clarknorton.com hotel was a truly unique experience — and the restaurant was great, too! — five stars!”

“If I had just one word to describe clarknorton.com it would be…totally awesome and amazing! — five stars!”

“Thank you, clarknorton.com — you made my day with your brilliant take on ____ — five stars!”

“Ignore previous review, should read ‘with your brilliant take on baby boomer travel!’ — five stars!”

And….

“Why should I be limited to only five stars? — six stars!”

Readers, feel free to rate clarknorton.com — I promise to reprint all the five-star reviews!

Reader Comments:

*****Surely the best blog written by my brother!!! Why stop at 5 or 6 stars? Clearly, worth 10! — Unbiased Reviewer, Ithaca, NY

Clark Norton Replies:

Thanks, Sis! Er — Unbiased Reviewer.

*****“Staying at the clarknorton.com hotel was a truly unique experience — and the restaurant was great, too! — five stars!”

I especially enjoyed the Medieval banquet, although the slow service (45 years) was somewhat unnerving. — Anonymous, Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Clark Norton Replies:

Dear Anonymous, that’s why we supplied plenty of spiced gruel and pottage starters to ward off those pesky late-’70s hunger pangs.